Bury the Machete: Have you ever been experienced, on Friday the 13th?

It's a week past Friday February the 13th, the opening of the re-release of the killassic horror flick Friday the 13th. I made it out on the first night, and the diehard horror fans made a respectable showing. The fact that it was actually Friday the 13th and Valentine's Day weekend made it marginally cool. It was a multicultural, inter-generational affair. Even a obnoxiously-Fergie-fabulous Indian from India babe (ooh I'm awful) made it out to the late show in her Beverly Feldman pumps (Big uppities to my fearless j-list leader for sniffing that one out, she couldn't go into the movie before accosting the woman about the origin of her cool peds).

Part slasher part Weekend at Bernie's part Cheech and Chong softcore porn style, Jason's resurrection for the younger generation does little justice to the mysterious and distant half-dead psychopath' of the 80's. What a difference two decades makes. 2009 J-Voorheesy makes the original incarnation look like a grandpa or at least a great uncle. Old hockey face now-a-days is straight to the point, extra specially brutal, persistent, but yet is able to maintain his slightly ironic, mute, pop-out-of-now-where since of humor... when dispatching unwitting teens, just in less creative ways. The highlight of the show came when the infamous "Chih, chih, chih, hah, hah, hah" track finally played near the end of the flick, which prompted an eager studio audience member to interject into the movie-viewing silence "Out of breath azz n*gg*!" with the uncanny comedic timing of a high school class clown.

An astute friend of mine of the Catholic persuasion noticed that all the teens that got hacked to death were in commission of some carnal sin. I never thought of it that way before. Could Jason have a higher calling? As you can see, Jason here has the Ambercrombie archangel frat-boy look going, complete with heavenly aura! Now go ye forth and terrorize heathen youth... Maybe killing slacking phuck-ups is kind of like recycling... it takes some effort but is ultimately better for all of us in the end. You have about 4 days to see this movie in its full big-screen glory. Even though it's the "#1 movie in America" as of tonight, if it makes it to DVD before you decide to check it out, do yourself a favor and rent part III of the original series on VHS. The new Bayshore Mall does have an incognito new theatre (with no website), I didn't see it there though, but you can!